My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
