So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Houston, we have a blender
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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