I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
