My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
