Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
