Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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