I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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