I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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