Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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