I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
