people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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