they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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