Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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