Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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