I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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