I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
