she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
