just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Holy shit dude........stairs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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