but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
