I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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