Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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