I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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