Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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