I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
