just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
