I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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