Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
