Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Boobs speak an international language.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
