My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
