I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
