I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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