meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
