fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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