I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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