Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
