Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
