She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
