Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
