I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
