I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
