my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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