i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
