I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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