literally had 100 drinks last night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
