Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
