shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
