I showed him my bush... on skype.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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