what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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