So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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