i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
