I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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