is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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