So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
