I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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