And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
