are you still at the devil's house?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
