i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
