my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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