so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
