if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
