you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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