it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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