so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
