My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
