apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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