Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
