I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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