Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
